A psychodynamic look at unconscious patterns in relationships

Have you ever found yourself saying, “Not again…” after yet another relationship—romantic, platonic, or professional—falls into the same uncomfortable pattern? Maybe it’s the emotionally unavailable partner, the friend who constantly takes but rarely gives, or the collaborator who starts off with charm and ends in chaos. Different faces, same feeling.

It’s easy to blame bad luck or external circumstances. But from a psychodynamic perspective, repetition in relationships is rarely accidental. Instead, these patterns often point toward something deeper: our unconscious mind quietly shaping the dynamics we’re drawn to—without us even realising it.

In my work as a psychotherapeutic counsellor—and as someone who also navigates the world as a musician—I’ve come to recognise some of the distinct needs creatives bring into the therapy room. This post explores how we, as therapists, can better hold space for those whose identities are entwined with creativity.