When Your Art Is Never Enough: The Past That Sits Behind Perfectionism
For some of us, achievement was never just achievement. It was safety.
Perhaps praise was conditional.
Perhaps love felt more available when you excelled.
Perhaps you learned early that being impressive, talented, useful, or exceptional kept you connected.
When that’s the emotional template, art becomes more than expression. It becomes a negotiation.
If it’s brilliant, maybe I’m secure.
If it moves them, maybe I matter.
If it’s flawless, maybe I won’t be criticised or left.
The problem is that art, like relationships, can’t reliably heal attachment wounds on its own.
No matter how much you pour in, it can’t finally resolve the original ache.
Why Do I Keep Attracting the Same People?
A psychodynamic look at unconscious patterns in relationships
Have you ever found yourself saying, “Not again…” after yet another relationship—romantic, platonic, or professional—falls into the same uncomfortable pattern? Maybe it’s the emotionally unavailable partner, the friend who constantly takes but rarely gives, or the collaborator who starts off with charm and ends in chaos. Different faces, same feeling.
It’s easy to blame bad luck or external circumstances. But from a psychodynamic perspective, repetition in relationships is rarely accidental. Instead, these patterns often point toward something deeper: our unconscious mind quietly shaping the dynamics we’re drawn to—without us even realising it.